this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
