He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize