i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
