you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
