I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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