Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Come on in and take your pants off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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