how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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