just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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