We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
