We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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