Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
