I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
