I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize