I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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