are you so shy because you have an std?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
