my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
