: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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