When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
