I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
