Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
