I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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