I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
