I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
These tits shall not be calmed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
