the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize