Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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