let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
