I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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