You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
