Non-Jews are for practice
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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