The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
