I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
