Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
