Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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