I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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