Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Still dying that you shit outside
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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