All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no, he came in my armpit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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