So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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