He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
