I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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