Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
