sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
