bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
