so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
