so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
