Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
