They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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