She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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