it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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