Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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