69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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