I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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