i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
