I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
