Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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