coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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