woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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