It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
