Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
