did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
