boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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