When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize