Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Please, let me fuck your mom
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
