cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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