Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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