so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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