Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
