I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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