I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
