the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
