I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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