And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
