I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
