hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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