and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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